Cis Privilege Checklist: Clothes

On request of Amanda Forest Vivian over at I'm Somewhere Else, who did a very good checklist of neurotypical privilege with regards to clothes, I will do the same with regards to cisgender privilege.

1. If I am female, I don't have to worry about being accused of trying too hard to appear feminine and having this call into question my legitimate gender identity. However masculine or feminine I choose to present as is seen as a stylistic choice or as an expression of my personality.

2. If I am male and I choose to present myself in a femme or androgynous manner I am still assured that, at the end of the day, people will still see me as fundamentally male. I can expect women who are attracted to me to still be considered heterosexual and, in fact, I can expect that heterosexual women will find me attractive because of my androgyny. I do not risk having my gender identity called into question.

3. If I am female and I dress in a way which is not appropriate for my age I am seen as, at worst, eccentric and strange. If I am still relatively young my choice may even be seen as sexually attractive and I may be rewarded for it. I do not have to worry about being labeled a fetishist, having my gender identity called into question, or being branded a sexual predator simply because of how I dress.

4. Whether I am male or female I can be assured that there are clothing options that are appropriate for my gender. People, when they see me in my wardrobe, will be able to easily identify my gender. I never have to be a fashion trailblazer simply to be able to reflect my gender. If, however, I choose to deviate from these styles my choice will be seen as a reflection of my personality and my gender will not be called into question.

5. Although I may be belittled for doing so, if I choose to wear articles of clothing traditionally reserved for another gender I will not have my gender invalidated. If I am a man wearing a dress, for example, I will still be seen as a man in a dress.

6. I do not have to deal with the fact that there is no way for me to avoid wearing clothes traditionally reserved for another gender because I can be reasonably assured that a suitable, reasonably culturally-normative and gender-appropriate wardrobe exists.

7. I do not rely that heavily on clothes to communicate my gender so if I wear something androgynous, such as a work uniform, I can still be reasonably assured that people will perceive me as a member of my gender. If someone makes a mistake anyway I can be reasonably assured that, given a polite correction, they will apologize and proceed to recognize my gender. I do not have to worry that such a mistake could seed rumors that could threaten the perceived legitimacy of my gender and, if they do, it will be relatively trivial for me to fix.

8. If I am a child I can be reasonably assured that I will be allowed to dress in a way which is appropriate to my gender. On that note, I can be assured that such a mode of dress exists at all.

9. If I work or go to school in an environment that requires gender-segregated uniforms I can be reasonably assured that I will be allowed to wear the uniform corresponding to my gender. On that note, I can be assured that such a uniform exists at all.

10. I can be reasonably assured that "being dressed up like a cis person" or "looks like a cis person" are not considered grievous insults.

11. If I am female I do not have to worry about my genitals imprinting on my clothing lest my gender be invalidated. Likewise, while generally undesirable, if someone sees up my skirt I will still be seen as a woman.

12. If I am female I do not have to wear underwear which is too tight for me in order to better conceal my genitals. If I am male I do not have to wear uncomfortable bindings around my chest. I do not have to deal with the health consequences of either of these decisions.

13. If I am male I will be allowed to expose my chest in public like other males. If I am female I will not be required to do so.

14. If I am a woman or girl and I choose to wear a padded or stuffed bra I can be reasonably assured that this will not be seen as detracting from the legitimacy of my gender.

15. Most clothes which are appropriate for my gender are sewn to fit people with bodies like mine.

16. I am not accused of being a fetishist or a pervert because I wear undergarments appropriate to my gender.

17. I can shop for underwear without being ridiculed or feeling shame.

18. When I shop for clothing I have access to fitting rooms appropriate for my gender.

19. If I am a woman and I choose not to shave my legs, my armpits, or my face I do not risk having my gender fundamentally questioned.

20. If I am a woman with hairy legs or armpits I can be reasonably assured that someone I meet will find this attractive about me without making me feel unsafe. I can be assured that my choice to not shave will be celebrated by people even when the same people ridicule this choice when made by people of my gender who are not like me.

21. If I am female and I choose to have short hair I do not risk having my gender invalidated by others. If I am male and I choose to have long hair I do not risk having my gender invalidated by others.

22. Either way, I can rest assured that there is a culturally appropriate hairstyle for people of my gender.

23. If I do not put much effort into my appearance I am not seen as not serious about my gender.

24. If I am seen as putting too much effort into my appearance this does not make people conclude that my gender is shallow and fake.

25. When I wear something which makes me look attractive people do not accuse me of entrapment.

26. I am not made to worry that a mistake in my wardrobe will cause people to scrutinize my gender.

27. I am not expected to feel shame about the way I dress because of the gendered implications of my clothing.

28. I can be reasonably assured that I will not be excluded or banned from an event, job, school, or anything else because I dress in accordance to my gender.

29. My clothing is not regularly seen to be the sum total of my gender identity.

30. I do not have to fear rape, assault, and murder simply because I choose to wear clothing appropriate to my gender.

Such a long list and I haven't even scratched the surface! Leave a comment if you think of more.

Accessibility Tip of the Day: Nonstick Pans

Nonstick pans are wonderful, or at least they're supposed to be wonderful. They promise extra easy cleanup but, in the past, I've been finding myself spending five-ten minutes scrubbing a pan that's been used to cook eggs or other sticky foods. Recently we got rid of our old nonstick pan out of frustration that it wasn't non-sticking and set out to buy a new one. The salesman told us what we were doing wrong: nonstick spray like Pam makes nonstick pans stick somehow. We've been using butter only on our new pans and it's been working wonderfully.

I just cleaned our pan that was just used for eggs in about 10 seconds. Wonderful.

Thus: to dramatically ease your after-cooking cleanup when using Teflon coated cookware ditch the Pam and other nonstick sprays and stick to oil or, even better, butter.

Open Minded Health

Please take a moment to drop by Open Minded Health which is a new blog which aims to present and analyze research on sexual health with regards to sexual minorities. It's being put together by my good friend Rose Lovell and her lovely wife, Marcie. I know it's been something which she's been wanting to do for a long time and, so far, she's doing an excellent job so go check it out!

Accessibility: Coffee Makers

Finally, after years of wanting a coffee machine I have finally been able to acquire one to replace the old coffee press, which was largely inaccessible to me. I am a huge lover of coffee and now I have a way that I can brew the drink in my own home without assistance. It is these small things which add up that make the biggest difference when coping with a disability so I have decided to profile accessible tech: coffee brewing.

My major difficulty when it comes to completing most daily tasks is that I have a very poor executive memory. I am not able to hold that much information in my head about what I have to do or what is going on around me at any one time. For this reason, I tend to forget to do things that would normally be obvious for other people or leave certain tasks half completed because I have to attend to something else and the previous task gets easily crowded out of my mental space. Routine helps me cope with this to a degree.

Brewing coffee is one of those things which is not on a routine, I make it when I feel like drinking it. This makes it difficult to cope with.

The coffee press was easily the most inaccessible piece of technology for me. In order to use a coffee press properly you must fill it with coffee and water and let it sit for about 15 minutes to a half hour for it to brew, then use the press to strain the coffee grounds from the brew. For me, what would often happen would be that I would prepare the press and, because it took so long to brew and staring at a metal carafe is extremely boring, I would head off to do whatever else I was up to. I would then promptly forget I had ever prepared the machine. At some point, usually after a couple hours, I might wander back into the kitchen and I might notice the coffee machine with its extended plunger and strain it. I would then have one cup of coffee which I could bring back to my room and sip. Of course, the rest of the coffee in the carafe, having slipped from my mental space, would be completely neglected, turn sour, and go to waste.

Enter the coffee machine. With this device I am able to load it, press a button, and be certain that the coffee is brewed properly 100% of the time (as opposed to having the coffee be bitter and over-brewed roughly 90% of the time). Also, it keeps the coffee fresh and warm for several hours so I still have an acceptable drink even when I forget I'm brewing for extended periods of time (most of the time). It also has an attention-grabbing light on it!

Of course, the machine keeps the coffee's temperature far too hot so I'm forced to let the beverage cool in my cup which is prone to be pushed out of my mental space and forgotten. About half the time I drink room temperature coffee because of it, although this isn't that bad for my palette. For this same reason I also had the tendency of pouring myself two or three cups of coffee at the same time because I would pour a cup, forget I had poured it, decide I want coffee and head off to pour myself another cup. I fixed it, though, by assigning myself one specific mug which I use in exclusion of all others.

Reading over what I have written it seems a little silly. Someone might be tempted to comment that if this is what autism does to me then it's not really much of a disability, is it? Yet, at the same time that's rather the point of this piece: It's not that I have a great deal of difficulty feeding myself a specific beverage but its the fact that so many of the things which I need to do to get through life become more difficult in subtle ways. We don't often think of those subtle ways which they do, especially when we don't experience them first hand. This is one of those minor difficulties which have a way of adding up.

Autism in a Nutshell

Do you know what bothers me? People who assert that "real" autistics can't understand colloquialisms or other symbolic languages. People like me, according to popular lore, are not supposed to be able to understand things such as "and that's how internal combustion engines work in a nutshell." But I do. In fact, I use symbolic colloquialisms all the time in my speech and writing.

Because I'm not "supposed" to be able to do it, this makes me feel guilty. It makes me feel that I'm not a "real" autistic and that I because I'm not a "real" autistic I shouldn't be having trouble with all the other aspects which come with my neurotype. I feel fake and I feel that whatever difficulties I have reflect instead on poor character.

Here's the thing: I don't actually need to understand that "in a nutshell" refers to the fact that a nutshell is small and therefore anything in a nutshell must be small and therefore the explanation was in brief. I just need to understand that "in a nutshell" mean that something is brief and probably overly abstracted. I can use "in a nutshell" to refer to a brief explanation in the same way I could use the word "cat" to refer to a feline.

I don't even know why symbolic language and thought are seen as so incompatible with autism. Just because I might interpret something literally because I don't understand that it is symbolic does not mean that I would not be capable of understanding the symbolism behind it. I know many autistic people who are very talented in metaphor, in fact. Some autistic people I know even write poetry!

It feels like many in the general public, and even autism "experts" make the mistake of observing a minor consequence of autism and then conclude that it is a central and defining characteristic of the neurotype. It's frustrating.

I'm sick and tired of it. I need to stop feeling guilty about using colloquial and symbolic speech, period. I have much more important things to worry about.

Executive Functioning, Friendships

One thing that is said often about people who are autistic is that we abhor change. This, for me, is true in some respects. Emotionally, I don't mind change; I actually enjoy it to some degree in that it keeps my life interesting. In other respects, however, it plays hell on my life because it makes it very difficult for me to accomplish anything. Routine, for me, is critically important for my productivity and disrupting my routine can be disastrous.

Take, for example, housework. I have a great deal of difficulty working in a "slightly messy" environment because the line between "clean enough" and "needs cleaning" becomes too blurry for me to conceptualize. In response, I will allow the area to become a complete sty before I become so frustrated due to my inability to live in the environment that I engage in a frenzied purging, cleaning spree to restore my environment back to the way it should be: I restore my system returning everything back to exactly where it belongs. It becomes easy enough to maintain this system because it becomes easy enough to recognize when something is amiss and I'll be capable of correcting it.

Should something disrupt my routine, however, such as a bout of depression or stressors from some other source prevent me from properly attending to my duties things can become highly difficult. That counter top which used to have a special place for every single item no longer has the same rules to it. I am no longer able to become upset that my father's coffee mug is in the wrong position or that the garlic humidor is misplaced. A new system must be generated: this is difficult and this tends to lead to neglect.

This is the crux of the problem. I'm either able to obsess over something or completely ignore it. I have enormous amounts of difficulty finding a middle ground. Having extremely strict routines or systems allows me to obsess over more things without them completely dominating my entire life, at the risk of having my routines and systems disrupted.

This is one of the reasons why I worry about living alone sometimes. My routines and systems are very fragile and having someone around to nag me really does help me overcome situations where my routine has broken down or when my system is disrupted much more easily than I would be able to do so on my own. I worry that without the occasional nag I'll fail to be able to correct a broken system or routine in time to prevent it from impacting my other systems leading to a cascading failure in my personal life.

It's not that I'm lazy, although I often feel lazy. I am extremely hard working when it I have an intact schema. It just takes a little bit of help for me to maintain a schema under stress or depression when they tend to change and fall apart.

Managing relationships are another area where I have difficulty in this regard. As long as we have a routine or system I can maintain a friendship but, because people are unpredictable often finicky, I find it extremely difficult to maintain my systems and my friendships fall apart. It becomes much easier when my friends "nag" me by calling me if they miss me or by running into me often because we work or live together. Of course, other people often seem to interpret this kind of neglect as a sign that I don't really care about the relationship when it in fact is just because I don't have a system and that's what happens when I don't have a system.

... I'm also probably struggling with a great deal of anxiety when deviating from my system in a social situation which further compounds the problem in ways usually don't occur with things like dishes.

Instant messaging programs have saved my life socially. Being on my buddy lists means that when you get on your client I'm able to see you log in and that acts as a "nag" for me to reach out to you. It's become so important in my life that not having an instant messenger has become synonymous with an inability for me to develop a meaningful and long lasting relationship with said individual. It's a system and it tends to work well.

To compound my reliance on instant messengers I find phones extremely anxiety-producing and difficult to navigate so I end up avoiding them if at all possible.

This is executive dysfunction in brief, or at least a significant part of it. This is the part of autism which most people fail to understand or acknowledge because, to the outsider who only casually knows you, this is very difficult to observe. Yet, it is real and, for me, it is the most significant point where I need support when it comes to being autistic.