I have asked people in my life to be much more careful about the language that they use and to be more cogent of the implications that their words carry. I have asked people in my life to avoid using disability words in an ableist way. I have asked people in my life to stop casually equating who I am as a disabled person with undesirability or unworthiness in their speech. I have asked people to avoid using certain words altogether, like invalid or retarded, because of how insidiously ableist and harmful the words have become.
Almost every time I try and bring this up I'm met with resistance. I'm told that I should stop trying to police what people say. I'm told that I'm oversensitive. I'm even told that I'm self-righteous. I'm told that they shouldn't have to be "politically correct." But most of all I'm met with anger because whoever I'm calling out "didn't mean it that way."
Yes, yes I know you didn't mean it in a way that was discriminatory. I know that you didn't mean to equate disability with worthlessness. I know you didn't mean to hurt people with disabilities (very rarely do people consider they might be hurting me, personally). I know that wasn't your intention. If it were, we would have been having a very, very different conversation.
But it's not about intent. It's not even about the very real impact that such language has on people like me. It's not even about the fact that what you said is hurtful.
It's about respect.
I have asked you to be more careful with the way you use language and to avoid hateful words. Many, many people are asking you to speak carefully. An entire community of people, human beings with dignity and self-respect, have asked that hate filled words be abolished and that who we are not be co-opted as a pejorative or a dirty euphemism. We are asking you to respect us enough to not defame us.
We are asking you to respect us enough to let us define, for ourselves, what is and is not defamatory to our community. We ask you then to listen and take heed.
When you choose to ignore us and to use defamatory language you are not respecting us.
Respect us.
~~
I could just as easily have written this about transphobic language or racist language. I could have written this about language directed at any number of groups. Ableism is just forefront in my mind right now. Nonetheless, the message stays the same.
Hello world!
1 year ago
8 comments:
I will never understand why when presented with the option of hurting someone's feelings or not hurting someone's feelings, some people will consistently choose to hurt, even when doing the other requires no extra work and takes absolutely nothing away from them. It's really that easy, and it makes it that much more sad.
@Renee Yeah, I do think it's sad that people would choose to hurt but on the other hand I'm not fighting for a world where I'm treated nicely. I'm fighting for a world where I'm treated with humanity and respect. When I ask people, then, to avoid defamatory language I ask not out of an appeal to compassion but of an appeal to decency.
After watching this pattern occur again and again, I've noticed that many people, if somebody asks them to be mindful of the language they use, come back with responses that can be summarized as "Well, when IS it okay for me to mock and make ad hominem insults to somebody?"
Well, how about NEVER? "Never" sounds like a good time to me!
Watch Joni Eareckson Tada on PBS http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/episodes/september-24-2010/joni-eareckson-tada/7074/. Recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Joni is one of longest living quadriplegics, best-selling author, acclaimed artist and advocate for people with disabilities.
Ultimately this really shouldn't even be a question. If somebody values their relationship with you, asking them to quit it should be enough. You shouldn't have to justify asking with anything except that their words hurt or undermine you. >:-(
Mina.
I don't mean to be a problem, I'm honestly asking a question just to make sure I understand. When you say "invalid"- I'm sure you mean invalid like "in-vuh-lid" referring to a person. But is it true of in-vaa-lid, as in "that answer is invalid" or "the password you used is invalid" as well? I'm just not sure.
@Dreki: Yeah, there's a big difference between the word 'invalid' as in "this answer is invalid" meaning not valid and 'invalid' meaning "sick or infirm."
They actually do share a root, the Latin word 'validus' meaning "strong," but it would seem that they don't necessarily share the same etymology. From what I can research the word 'valid' was adopted from the French language ('valide') into the English language by the mid 17th century where, per English grammar, it acquired its antonym 'invalid' meaning "not valid."
The term 'invalid' in the sense of the sick or infirm seems to have entered the English language sometime in the 18th century from the French word 'invalide' and, as such, is a completely different word, hence the difference in pronunciation.
So no, my comments were not meant to discourage people from using the word 'invalid' to say that things are not valid any more than I would discourage someone from saying "your thesis is weak."
By the way, one of my favorite websites and the source of this knowledge: http://www.etymonline.com/index.php
Etymonline is awesome. That's one problem with heteronyms (spelled the same, mean different things ex. object and object). If you were speaking it'd be obvious which one you meant, in text it could be either or both. I didn't really think invalid as in "that password is invalid" had the same problem but wanted to make sure.
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